Our first Christmas without Stewie being with us was unsurprisingly incredibly hard. But as well as a lot of sadness which we expected and accepted, it also held moments of peace and a lot of meaning, as we found and made ways to include him in every part of it, starting new traditions that will keep his memory alive and make sure he’s always an important part of the season.

In the weeks before Christmas we decided we wanted to decorate a real tree like we usually do, and continue our tradition of saving the tree trunk for some ‘currently unspecified future special woodworking project’. This tree brought our number of Castlewood Drive Christmas tree trunks up to 7, as we skipped 2021 whilst on our travelling adventure with Stewie (before that was even his name). Christmas and his dad’s 41st birthday (powered by Cava!) in the Maldives with him made up for that one break in our tradition! This year we did something extra special and also saved the pine needles from the branches that held his decorations (more on those below) to use for a natural dyeing project, to create yet more memories and reminders of him. Our wedding in 2021 had included homemade napkins dyed with a mix of meaningful and natural ingredients including pine needles from our 2020 lockdown Christmas tree, and so this felt like a perfect way to create another special memento from a very significant tree, our first since Stewie’s birth. 

We added lots of special ornaments to the tree for Stewie, which will help us include and celebrate him for all Christmases to come. He has a beautiful pale wooden bauble with a brass S and green velvet tie which opens up to hold secret messages. We’ll each write him a message every Christmas which we’ll put inside before Christmas Day, where they’ll remain until the following year when they’ll be taken out and saved in his Christmas box. We can already imagine his future siblings one day adding their own scribbles, drawings and messages. He also has a beautiful brass star with an S pendant, adorned with a hand stamping of the Leo star constellation on the front and his birthday on the back. We surrounded these with personal family ornaments to represent us always being together, even if we aren’t physically. Our Bride and Groom ornaments from our wedding hung either side of his message bauble, and all of the cats surrounded us (including Percy who we know is keeping him company now). Nestled around our family hung our incredibly beautiful and special trio of giant hand blown, one-of-a-kind Murano glass baubles that we bought on our babymoon in Italy when Stewie was with us, inspiring our delectable pasta odyssey. As well as all of these, both of his Grandmas also bought beautiful glass baubles filled with white feathers and decorated with his name. One was hand blown in Wales and hung on our tree surrounded by Christmas friends (including a polar bear and snowman made by Fine Cell Work, and a nutcracker we bought in Canada). The other had pride of place at the top of the Christmas tree in the dining room where we shared Christmas dinner together, helping us feel that Stewie was with us at all of the important moments. The final special decoration was a hand felted robin chosen to represent his Granddad, who is undoubtedly looking after him and taking him on adventures now (often with Percy when he isn’t napping we’re sure). We chose a robin because it’s the bird of remembrance, and Robin was also his Granddad’s middle name. This robin now sits next to Stewie’s urn, keeping him company where we think they might stay together all the time, not just at Christmas. 

Having so many meaningful decorations for Stewie felt really important, and so we knew they deserve a special place to be when they aren’t in pride of place on our tree. So Stewie’s Christmas decorations now have their own very special and absolutely unique wooden box, made by a local tree surgeon who we met at the Severndroog Castle Christmas market just a stone’s throw from our house, only a few days before Christmas. He told us that he takes wood from the beautiful local trees that he maintains and removes to create unique items which will last for lifetimes, and remain as treasured legacies for these powerful trees. It turned out that Stewie’s box was made from part of a walnut tree which stood in our local Well Hall Pleasaunce Gardens for many decades, or even centuries, and which still partially remains now. We were even told exactly where to find it, so we can visit Stewie’s walnut tree whenever we like. This was even more incredible as it was these very gardens that drew us to live in Eltham in the first place, seen by Adam when he came to play a one off rugby game at Blackheath Rugby Club in 2014. It all worked out perfectly, and we knew it was meant to be. 

During Christmas and the surrounding days we also kept Stewie’s remembrance candle lit, whether we were together by the tree or eating special meals together, his candle was close by. This helped us feel connected and was a beautiful way to include him, and he even had Christmas candles lit on his website as well. We of course also spoke about him, imagining what he would have done (we thought that at 5 months old he might have slept quite a lot!), and what gifts he would have been given - maybe things like baby sensory toys and handmade gifts, and there would definitely have been some knitted goodies. He was truly included throughout Christmas, with another tree dedicated to his memory by his Grandma, more donations to his charities by friends and family, and we were even given the most meaningful gift made by Stewie’s Great-Aunt Virginia, an exquisite hand-felted miniature version of Finley the Aching Arms Bear, perched on a blanket made from a shirt that belonged to Stewie’s Granddad. It is the most special gift we will truly treasure for all time, alongside his growing legacy of trees around the world. 

Whilst we wish more than anything that Stewie would have been with us for his first Christmas, we’re so grateful that everybody helped us make sure he was remembered throughout the holidays, as he will be for all the years to come.